3 The Departure / 4 The Stowaways - MWFic

Chapter 3 – The Departure

Scene: Dib's house, an external shot, that night

Lights are on in the house, and sounds of arguing are heard in voice-over. The external shot remains, peaceful in contrast to what can be heard.

DIB (VO)
Why can't you just LISTEN to my point of view for once?!

PROF MEMBRANE (VO)
Because you don't HAVE a point of view! Paranormal science is just that: abnormal! No son of MINE is going to waste his life following an invalid career path!

DIB
There's nothing INVALID about parascience!

Scene: continuous - the living room in Dib's house - the Prof and Dib are arguing, Gaz is trying to watch TV

PROF MEMBRANE (waving a book around)
Then what's this I catch you reading? (he reads the title) 'The Legend of the Vampire Unicorns'? EVERYBODY knows that, if vampire unicorns really DID exist, they disappeared from the Earth millions of years ago!

DIB
No they didn't, they still walk amongst us today! LOOK! LOOK! RIGHT THERE!

Sure enough, a vampire unicorn is strolling across the room. Gaz glances at it and shrugs, returning her attention to the TV. The Prof doesn't even bother to turn around. The vampire unicorn goes into the kitchen.

DIB (frustrated at how hard this is)
JUST TURN AROUND! JUST TURN AROUND!

PROF MEMBRANE
Dib, I've had enough of your INSAAANE passion for parascience! I don't want you to read these lies! You should develop a zeal for REAL SCIENCE, just like me!

With great relish, the Prof drops the book into a fish bowl which is conveniently right next to him, as it always goes in cartoons. Dib, aghast, runs over and fishes it out. With a murderous final glare at his father, Dib runs up the stairs. The Prof stands below with his hands in the air looking for all the world like a mad scientist, which he is, really.

PROF MEMBRANE
That's it, son! Abandon your impossible dreams of paranormal glory! REAL SCIENCE! COME TO REAL SCIENCE!

GAZ (looking away from the TV briefly)
Rrrr.

Scene: Dib's room

Dib bursts into his darkly decorated room and gingerly lays the book on his desk. He then slams the door and jumps onto his bed, steaming, flopping down. His movement causes a piece of paper to fall from a pocket of his trench coat.

DIB
What would HE know about parascience? ... eh?

Dib notices the paper and takes it up. It's Zim's drawing from earlier that day. Dib turns it around in his hands.

DIB
What could this mean? What's he up to now?

He stares for a while at that disturbing little sketch in the corner.

DIB
If I didn't know better, I'd say Zim was afraid of something.

GAZ (from outside the room)
DIB! You're talking to yourself!

Dib puts the paper on his bedside table. The door opens and Gaz peeks in.

GAZ

Hey. Dad's pretty mad at you.

DIB (indifferently)
I know. I don't care.

GAZ

Don't try and be an ungrateful rebellious son, Dib. It's really sad coming from you.

Dib looks downcast. Gaz stands there for a second, shrugs and leaves, closing the door behind her.

Dib sits for a moment, wrapped up in his own thoughts. He growls suddenly.

DIB
Parascience isn't ... INVALID. Maybe it's harder to believe than NORMAL science, but for me ... for me it's as real as, as .. AS THIS LAMP!

Caught up in his emotion, Dib grabs the lamp off his side table, ripping its cord from the wall. Turns out it was the only light on in the room, because Dib is plunged into darkness. Only the window remains blue and bright.

With a miserable sigh, Dib curls up and tries to sleep, still fully dressed.

Outside the window, a time lapse is shown as the moon moves across the sky. It becomes notably darker. Dib snorts in his sleep, then wakes up from a nightmare.

DIB (mumbling as he wakes up)
No, no ... aliens exisssst ... huh?

It is very quiet. Dib hops off his bed and peeks out his door. The hall is dark and still. Closing the door again, Dib goes over to his desk and touches the vampire unicorn book. It has dried, but it is crumpled. Dib groans in annoyance, and goes back to his bed, falling on it.

DIB
Stupid scientist dad. He just doesn't understand...

There is a soft flash of light from outside the window. Instantly alert, Dib leaps to the window, turning a somersault in midair. When he stops moving he's crouched at the window with binoculars to his eyes. The light flashes again. Dib focuses on the spot.

We can see the view through the binoculars. The strange white light is pulsing from beneath a very distinctive satellite dish.

DIB (with deadly certainty)
Zim.

Dib looks around him and considers his situation. He's wide awake, dressed, and highly unlikely to go back to sleep. So why not? He opens his window and ungracefully falls out, falling from the top storey to the ground.

Scene: Gaz's room

Gaz is lying awake in bed, wearing black pyjamas and her skull necklace. She has her Gameslave2 in her lap, with the sound turned down low, and is battling hard. Her face is eerily lit by the game's screen.

There is a thump from outside, accompanied by some suspiciously Dib-like sounds. Pausing her game, Gaz creeps over to the window and looks down.
Sure enough, Dib is heaving himself up from the ground, rubbing his knees.

DIB (to himself)
I should have thought that through before I jumped.

Gaz opens her window.

GAZ (whispery hiss)
Dib!

Dib, paranoid, reacts by leaping up close to the wall of his house. Gaz rolls her eyes and tries again.

GAZ

Dib!

DIB
Whuh ... huh? Gaz!

Dib peers up at Gaz's purple-haired head sticking out her window.

GAZ
What are you doing?

DIB
Oh, you know ... going for a walk.

GAZ (sure she's right)
Are you running away?

DIB
What? No!

Gaz grunts. She makes a spur-of-the-moment decision and turns her game off, disappearing inside. Dib hears shuffling. Then Gaz climbs onto her windowsill. She has hastily dressed.

DIB (trying to keep his voice down)
What are you doing?! Careful! It's HIGH!

GAZ

Duh.

With all the grace Dib lacked, Gaz jumps to a drain pipe and slides down it. She lands nimbly on her feet.

GAZ

Let's go.

DIB
What? Why?

GAZ
You said you're going for a walk.

Dib stares at his sister, not understanding her at all. Then he sighs.

DIB
All right, you can come.

GAZ (with a lethal glare)
I'm not asking your permission to come, Dib. I'm simply informing you that I am coming.

Dib stares at his little sister in confusion. She stares back at him, not knowing his motives for running off in the night, nor caring. So, in a sort of mutual misunderstanding, they head off down the footpath together in silence. Neither of them realise it's the last time they'll see their house for quite a while to come.

Scene: exterior of Zim's house, that night

Zim and GIR, out of disguise, are crouched together by the fire hydrant outside their house. The 'few' upgrades to the Voot Cruiser had taken a lot longer than Zim had expected, and so it is considerably on into the night when Zim decides to make the big move.

ZIM (whispering)
Remember, GIR. Make no sound.

GIR giggles. He can hardly contain himself.

ZIM
We may have already attracted suspicion from those stupid light flashes. Cursed Cruiser, didn't like my upgrades! How dare it...

GIR (to release tension)
MOOSE!!!

Zim raises an eyebrow.

ZIM
Let's hope everyone's asleep. Heh, foolish human scum, sleeping a third of their lives away!

GIR (cheerful)
Scum.

A long mech-leg with a keypad on the end unfolds from Zim's pak. Zim types in a code, and it returns to the pak.

Nothing happens.

GIR
Yay!

ZIM
Shhh! It's a delayed reaction!

True to Zim's word, the house begins collapsing in on itself. There is a horrible rumbling from underground as the labs fold up. The power cords digging into the houses on either side shudder and rip out. The house basically runs its setup in reverse: the satellite dish packs itself up, the roof opens and vanishes, the walls fade away. The couch gets sucked into what at first appears to be a black hole, but then is revealed to be the little device Zim initially used to create the house, waaay back in 'The Nightmare Begins'.

And Dib and Gaz choose this very moment to round the corner into the cul-de-sac. Dib's jaw practically drops to the ground. Gaz watches wordlessly.

Just like when the base was set up, car alarms everywhere start going off. Lights turn on in houses, dogs bark. Zim, very aware he's not in disguise, fidgets nervously.

The fence is sucked into the ground, the lawn gnomes vanish with little 'pop' sounds. The flamingo and the 'I love Earth' sign pack away. When at last it's all over, all that remains is the newly upgraded Voot Cruiser, ready to go, and the little device the house came from. The Voot Cruiser's upgrades are clear: new, twisted black rocket-boosters attached to its sides. It only serves to make the Cruiser look gothic and freaky, but oh well.

ZIM
Quickly, GIR!

Zim sprints towards the Cruiser. GIR moonwalks backwards towards the Cruiser, until Zim runs back, grabs the robot by his antenna, and carries him the rest of the way. The Cruiser's windscreen opens and Zim throws GIR in, grabs the little house-making device off the ground, then dives in himself. The windscreen closes. Zim puts the house-making device in his pak, then slaps his forehead with a sudden realisation.

ZIM (hissing in his panic)
Rrr, we should have disguised the Cruiser BEFORE we packed up the base! Quickly, Computer! Disguise the Cruiser!

Doors open and people come out to see what's going on. Fortunately, by the time they reach the now-empty block, the Voot Cruiser is nothing more than a fat, sort of spherical cow. The people regard the cow. The cow regards the people. Satisfied that nothing weird is going on, the people return to their houses. Lights go off, and the neighbourhood settles down.

Gaz and Dib still stand, watching.

GAZ

Well, that was interesting.

DIB (trembling with paranoia)
ZIM! WHAT IS HE UP TO THIS TIME?!

GAZ

Come on, let's keep walking.

DIB
Oh no, Gaz! I have a confession to make: this is where we were walking to ALL ALONG! You never saw it coming, huh? Huh? Huh?

Gaz cocks an eyebrow.

DIB
I have to STOP HIM!!!

Dib sets off at a run towards the Cruiser-Cow, then thinks better of it and starts to take a longer route around the edge of the road, leading him up behind the Cruiser-Cow. Gaz growls in irritation, but she follows, catching up with Dib once he's crouched on the ground under the Cruiser-Cow's butt. Gaz grabs her brother's arm.

GAZ (a forced whisper)
This is CRAZY, Dib! You're CRAZY! I just wanted to go for a walk! Now LET'S GO!

DIB
Forget the walk! This is more important! Zim is up to something VERY BIG if he actually packed up his base!

Gaz growls again, then looks up at the Cruiser-Cow's butt. It's right over their heads.

GAZ

I don't feel safe here.

Without warning, the cow disguise disappears and the real Cruiser is revealed. Zim's voice, yelling something, can be vaguely heard from inside it.
Dib looks the back of the Cruiser over carefully. He notices a latch underneath the Irken symbol.

DIB
Here!

GAZ
What are you doing?!

Dib presses the latch and a panel slides open to a storage area of the Voot Cruiser. It is empty and reasonably large and cosy, although its walls are metallic and cold.

DIB
We have to be fast! Before he notices the hatch is open!

Dib clambers into the storage compartment and, before Gaz can protest, she is forcibly yanked up with him. Her eyes go wide in fury. Dib doesn't notice.

DIB
Oh man, how do you close the door?!

Scene: interior of the Voot Cruiser

Zim notices a flashing light on the dashboard. Angry, he slams his fist down onto it.

ZIM
GIR, how could you leave the storage hatch open?!

Scene: exterior of the Voot Cruiser

Gaz is moving to get out of the Cruiser when the door slams shut, closed by Zim. She gasps, nearly getting her fingers sliced off. It is pitch black in the storage area. She hears Dib giggle in expectant delight.

The Cruiser powers up, lifts off the ground, and takes off into the night sky.

ZIM (VO, echoing away)
TO THE STARS!!!

The new boosters power up, and the Cruiser lunges forward with amazing speed, quickly leaving the Earth far behind it.

Chapter 4 – The Stowaways

Scene: inside the storage compartment

There is nothing but darkness and two sets of brown eyes, one set wide and excited, the other set glaring and homicidal.

DIB (hushed, thrilled)
This is so cool! Zim must be trying to move his base somewhere where I won't find it! Heh heh heh, looks like he won't lose me after all, no matter WHERE he goes!

GAZ
I'm going to destroy you.

DIB (giggling stupidly)
Come on, Gaz, this is great! I'm foiling one of Zim's plans just by SITTING here!

GAZ

Why did you bring ME along?!

Dib feels Gaz's fingers close around his neck. He gags and tells the truth.

DIB
I just (gag) thought it'd be nice (choke) to have a sidekick for once.

GAZ

A SIDEKICK?! THAT'S what I'm reduced to? (she releases Dib) For your information, brother dearest, if anyone's the goofy sidekick here, it's YOU.

DIB
Fine, fine. Just be quiet. We can't let Zim discover us...

GAZ (her voice dripping with rage)
As soon as we're out of here, Dib, it'll be your grisly end.

DIB
Shhh!

GAZ (stressing it)
Griiiii-slyyyyy.

Scene: interior of the Voot Cruiser

GIR

Woo, we goin' so faaaast ... can I drive?

ZIM
Of course not! ... GIR, this is slower than I expected. It's like we're carrying extra weight. Did you pack bricks in your head again?!

GIR shakes his head and smiles adorably.

ZIM
Perhaps it's the weight of the new boosters I'm feeling.

GIR

Or it might be the stowaways.

Zim doesn't hear. He's too busy trying to think of where the weight is coming from. Meanwhile, billions of stars shoot past them. The computer beeps.

COMPUTER

Set coordinates of destination.

ZIM
Ah, yes. Computer, set the coordinates for the planet Cureallia.

COMPUTER

Searching for 'Cureallia'.

ZIM
It's a recent addition to the Irken Empire. Used to be inhabited by some FILTHY race, I'm sure.

COMPUTER (beeping)
Coordinates set.

The Voot Cruiser makes a sweeping turn in the direction of the planet. Sounds of thumping come from the storage chamber.

ZIM
What was that?

GIR

The stowaways.

But once again, Zim doesn't hear. Suddenly overcome with fatigue caused by the virus, he shuts his eyes and snuggles into the pilot's chair. GIR hops into Zim's lap and is soon snoring cutely.

(There is a black screen with 'four or so hours later' written over it)

Scene: inside the dark storage chamber

Dib opens his eyes in the dark. Gaz's eyes aren't visible.

DIB (whispering)
Guess we were tired after all, huh Gaz?

Dib stretches weakly.

DIB
Geez, sleeping on metal does nothing for your spine! ... Gaz?

Gaz is silent. Dib has a poke in the dark to make sure she's still there. She is.

DIB (he sounds tired)
How long have we been asleep, Gaz?

No answer.

DIB
Gaz?

No answer.

DIB
Oh no ... OXYGEN! After all this time the oxygen in here must be thin to non-existent! We're suffocating!

Dib listens to the very faint breathing of his sister, then to the gentle vibration of the Cruiser as it flies. Finally deciding it's too risky to wait until the Cruiser stops, he realises he has no choice. He grits his teeth with reluctant resolve –  they shine in the dark.

Scene: interior of the Voot Cruiser

Zim is slouched over the dashboard, bored. GIR is asleep on Zim's head, but Zim doesn't have the energy to shake the robot off. Robots shouldn't sleep anyway, really. Zim can vaguely make out his reflection in the glass. He looks pale and very sick. The bluish tinge to his eyes is particularly horrible. Zim shudders and looks away.

Abruptly, a banging sound begins from the back of the Cruiser.

DIB (VO, incredibly faint)
Zim! Let us out!

ZIM
That sounds like ... but ... DIB?!

Zim turns around in his chair to face the back of the Cruiser's tiny cockpit. GIR falls off Zim's head and awakens when he clangs onto the floor. Zim hits some buttons on the back wall, and the internal hatch to the storage compartment opens.

Dib, blinded by the sudden light, squints and winces for a moment. When he opens his eyes he is shocked (and a little frightened) to see a pale and hideous Zim gawking in at him.

DIB
Aaaaaaaahhhh!!!

ZIM
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

GIR (for no real reason)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

ZIM (absolutely furious)
DIB-STINK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY VOOT CRUISER?!

DIB (yelling)
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU LOOK HORRIBLE! Wait ... ARE WE IN SPACE?!

ZIM
WHY WERE YOU HIDING BACK THERE?!

DIB
WHY ARE WE IN SPACE?!

GIR

Where's da other stowaway?

ZIM
OTHER?!

DIB
GAZ!


ZIM (to GIR)
YOU KNEW?!

Dib drags Gaz into the light. She moans.

DIB (not yelling anymore)
She's been deprived of oxygen for too long! Quick, Zim! SAVE HER!

Zim stands there with one eyelid quivering with rage. Dib realises how ridiculous it is to ask for help from Zim.

DIB (yelling again)
THERE'S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!

ZIM
THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO EXPLAIN!

GIR

Aaahhh, the yellin'! THE YELLIN'!

GAZ (groaning and waking up)
Rrrr, shut up all of you...

ZIM (to Dib)
WHY DID YOU BRING HER?!

DIB
JUST LISTEN TO ME, I'LL EXPLAIN!

Zim is slowly turning a darker green as his cheeks flush with fury. Dib is a heated red. Gaz is blinking in the light, quickly recovering, and GIR is chewing on his arm.

ZIM
YOU'RE GOING TO GET OFF, RIGHT NOW, DIB-WORM!

DIB
BUT WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF OUTER SPACE!

ZIM
EXACTLY! EXACTLY! GIR! OPEN THE CRUISER!

DIB
YOU CAN'T! WE'LL ALL DIE!

GAZ

ARE YOU CRAZY?!

GIR (to no-one)
I'm hungry. Got any weenies?

All the yelling and stress suddenly takes its toll on Zim. The virus flares up and he pales terribly, wincing and sinking to his knees.

There is an uncomfortable silence. Dib and Gaz, feeling much better now they can breathe again, are slowly calming down and are stretching their cramped limbs. GIR chomps happily on his arm, oblivious to everything.

GIR

Tastes like weenie.

Zim suddenly hollers and wraps his arms around his stomach. His eyes start to tear, and he puts out of his mind everything except the pain.

ZIM
Ohhh, GIR, it's worse than ever!

GIR frowns but doesn't actually do anything useful. Dib and Gaz are watching Zim closely. Dib's eyes widen.

DIB
You've been doing that for days ... like you're sick or something. And wow, look at you, ew. You're disgusting. Hey ... now I see ... that drawing you did was you being eaten by a disease! (happy he's out of the dark) I worked it out!

Zim can't retort. In agony, he doubles over and touches his forehead to the floor, trying not to cry. Gaz is now looking at Dib, amazed at how easily he can get caught in his own world and ignore everyone else.

DIB
Oh, so, all those weird molecule drawings, and formulae. You were defining the disease, maybe trying to find a way to ... I know! You wanted to mass produce it...

ZIM (writhing)
Aaaahhhhhhhh!

DIB (too self-involved)
... and release it into the world so that your weird Irken sickness can pollute mankind! Kill us all off! ...

Gaz shakes her head at her brother.

DIB
... of course it would have to be something totally DEADLY to DESTROY US ALL! But no, you'd be more devious. There'd have to be a catch. So maybe the disease wouldn't destroy us, maybe it would give us superhuman strength! ... but why would you do that? ...

GIR (chattily, to Gaz)
It'll stop. It only goes on for a leedle leedle while.

GAZ

Zim's seizure, or Dib's rambling?

ZIM (thrashing around)
Aaaaggggggcccckkk!

GIR (to Gaz with a giggle)
This is madness! Madness is lover-ly.

DIB
... but then why would you test a deadly disease on yourself? That makes no sense ...

GAZ

Dib.

DIB
Mm?

GAZ
Be quiet.

ZIM
Ssqqqqqqrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

DIB (finally coming back to reality)
Okay, sooo ... what is it? What's wrong with him?

Zim tries to reply before GIR can butt in, but it's too difficult. So GIR very cheerfully pours it all out.

GIR

Master got a freaky virus thingie, and there's nuuuuuthin' in the world that can go make him all better-like! So, we're going to a faaaar away place, so'se we can make him all better-like! Then we'll come back and do mission stuff again but far away from you, Dibby! And you, Gazzy! Hooray!

Zim groans, his plan exposed.

DIB
SO! You ARE trying to ditch me, hey, Zim? Guess this is another victory for Earth! Ha ha ha ha!

Zim relaxes as the stomach ache passes. He slumps down. Gaz whacks Dib across the back of the head.

DIB
OW! Hey, Gaz...

GAZ

You are such a jerk, Dib! This isn't about Zim trying to ditch you, he's just sick, and he's trying to go get better! You're pathetic!

Dib lowers an eyebrow and glances down at Zim, who appears to be asleep. He sighs.

DIB
He was still gonna ditch me.

GAZ

WHO CARES?! Maybe with Zim gone, you could actually GET A LIFE!

Dib frowns, hurt. Gaz sighs in frustration and slams her fist backwards into the wall, causing the hatch to the storage compartment to fall closed with a clang. Dib, admonished and silent, sits grumpily. Gaz kicks Zim gently in the side.

GAZ
You! Take us back to Earth, RIGHT NOW!

Zim mutters something incomprehensible and sits up. Gaz backs up a little, put off by Zim's pasty appearance.

ZIM (without any enthusiasm)
We cannot return to Earth. You two are stuck with us now. I dare say, then, that this is a victory for Zim. You'll just have to come along and suffer. Your pathetic SPYING plan is a failure, earth-stinks. It was a nice try, stowing away on my ship like that. But still a failure.

DIB (testily)
It's not a victory for either of us, ZIM. So forget victories ... why can't we go back to Earth?

ZIM (standing up)
Because...

Zim rests his hands on the dashboard and looks down at them. They are shaking.

ZIM (bitter)
I'm a lot sicker than you know, Dib-worm.

DIB
Yep, that's coz you're harvesting a disease within yourself! You were plotting stuff that day in skool, scheming to –

GAZ
WHY WOULD HE HARVEST A DISEASE IN HIMSELF, YOU MORON?!

Dib, having had enough reprimands in one day, becomes sullen again.

ZIM (dully)
I was trying to find a cure. That's what I'm trying to do now. Not that it's any of YOUR concern, stink-beasts.

GAZ (trying to keep sane)
Zim. We can't go back to Earth because...?

ZIM
Because if I take you back to Earth then set out again, I'd have lost too much time. (it is a vile truth but he's accepting it) You're stuck with me now.

GAZ

What, are you DYING or something?

ZIM
Yes.


He said it as deadpan as when he was asked 'are those walnuts?' in 'Room with a Moose'. The silence that descends is uncomfortably thick. Dib and Gaz glance at each other. The Voot Cruiser careens on into the eternal dark sky.